Trust Yourself

Most parents want to trust their kids. It's a really good feeling: trust. It allows us a sense of ease and decreased worry or anxiety when there is trust present. (And it is a horrific, gut-wrenchingly painful feeling when trust is lacking or broken.) But in order to trust others, we have to trust ourselves. Do you?Are you honest with yourself, all day long? Do you know your own boundaries, and can you be trusted not to cross them? Do you know when you're too tired to play, too distracted to care for your children attentively? Or do you not listen - and not trust yourself - when your inner voice says you need a few minutes of alone time, or to hit the gym, or to take a walk? You cannot parent intuitively if you don't trust your intuition. There are endless views of what it means to parent well. I am not a parenting expert (though I challenge the idea that a parenting expert actually exists). But to me, parenting well means being extremely honest: with myself, my husband, and our son. That means I need to know - and trust - myself enough to communicate openly and honestly. It means I have to recognize my own boundaries so I can set safe and appropriate ones for my son. When those things happen, our days are easier, and everyone in my family is happier and more at peace.I'll give you an example from my own life to let you see what I’m talking about. Last winter, I made some Paleo candied pecans, and they were awesome.  I wanted to see if I could make a larger batch in the crockpot while my son was napping.  I didn’t alter the recipe any, and upon checking the pecans, found half of them had stuck to the side of the pot and burned to the point of being inedible.  I was pissed.  I cursed and hit the wooden spoon off the counter.  It splintered in half.  Holy. Freaking. Cow.  Was I really that mad? Big deal, we couldn’t eat 15 pecans; the rest of the batch was fine (and still delicious). I paused for a moment. I hadn’t been to the gym in a few days - between holiday plans, work, and trying really really really hard to be the best mom I could be, it had been about a week since I’d done any challenging physical activity.  I needed an outlet.  How long before splintering a kitchen utensil had my inner voice been screaming at me to find that outlet? How long had I been ignoring it, or not trusting it? How good of a parent was I really being if I couldn’t model trust in myself?A week certainly isn’t a long time for most people to not exercise - plenty of people haven’t worked out in years and aren’t breaking things in their kitchens (or maybe they are!). But for me, a week is too long.  When I trust my inner voice and really listen to my body, I can feel myself getting more easily agitated, more restless, and extremely less fun to be around if I haven’t worked out.  I’m by no means perfect, but I certainly haven’t broken anything since December. I am honest with my husband and son about my wants and needs, and they are in turn honest with me.It's a simple exercise: ask yourself this question and answer it honestly. "Do you trust me?" Because if you don't, you need to start. Find whatever avenue you need to connect with yourself - maybe it’s lifting heavy, meditation, yoga, or writing - to start building that trusting relationship.  It’s an excellent foundation for your health and your family.